rant-ish

     Today is payday, so I went to the commissary to get nutrients for me and the kid.  How I wish I had waited for another day.  After getting my heels hit multiple times by the same person and a small child slamming his squirt gun into my face and then almost being hit by a truck, I found myself screaming in the parking lot. What is wrong with people now a days?!  Have they lost their respect for others, maybe misplaced it.  If they need help finding it, then please ask me and I will help out. 

     Then I come home feeling this great urge to just relax and all I get to see are people with a whole lot of internet courage.  You think I don't know what you are talking about, yet I do.  Difference between me and that person, I'll say what you won't and not think twice about it.  Ask people, they know.  I am tired of being that person that everyone sees as 'safe' and 'friendly'.  It gets me no form of respect.  I bite my tongue a lot because I don't like to hurt people's feelings.  It's not really my thing, but when I have to I will.  It's who I am, it's my nature.  Anyways, I just feel like if you have something to say, just say it to me.  Don't write it online in hopes that I will read it and somehow get this unsaid message.... I got it loud and clear.  All I ask is that you grow up and grow some balls and just get on with it. Tell me how you really feel!!  It's what I expect of people.  It's really all that I ask of anyone.

     I hate pity. I can't stand people who play the pity card.  Fess up to whatever it is that you are feeling and just get on with it.  It's one of my pet peeves.  Just a fore warning.  It's a good way to get bitched out.  If you take offense to what I have to say, get over yourself.  I am hormonal and moody and just really don't have the time to deal with it. 

Anyways, I am done ranting for now.  I guess I will chat chit the shit later. :)

Tamara D

It's not all gumdrops and unicorns.

     So as most of you know (I say this as if I have hundreds of followers, but I appreciate the ones I have!) I am married to a Marine and we have two daughters with another on the way.  Well, he is currently deployed.  I have reached out to some of the women of this BTN to help them....and all I hear from the ones with kids is how they are single parents while they are gone.  No, no you are not.  I have friends who are single parents.  They have to go and work longs shifts to pay the rent and they are the only ones for their kids.  They do not have a date to look forward to so that they can get their kids back in check.  They don't get the nicety of sitting at home with their kids and not have to worry about money because well, their husband is making the money.  It all depends on them.  I am not down playing how hard it is to go from getting help raising your children while your husband is home, and the fact that the kids do act out when they deploy, but at least you have someone who is there for you.  You can say, yeah, it's hard but I am doing this for my husband and for my kids.  A lot of times, these women are all their kids have.  They CONSTANTLY have to be the father and mother and at one point and time in the kids' life they will have to explain to their kids that their dad's just didn't want them so they left.  Think about that.  They only Military wives I feel empathy for are Gold Star Wives.  But, that in itself is a whole different story.
Anyways, another thing that kills me, wives who broadcast their husband's problems to the world.  I don't get it.  Seems like they are more in it for the sympathy.  I know my husband would be upset if I ever talked about any kind of illness he had. (Not saying he does, I am just saying) He would say it's not my business to tell... and he would have a valid point. Where as he is my husband, I feel and strongly believe that certain things should stay between a husband and wife, and not the whole world.  Why would you want to tell everyone about it anyways?? It's nothing to be proud of.  It's not something you brag about.  So why even talk about it? It's not a fashion statement, it's not the new 'rehab'.  I don't know it just kind of gets to me.  I have seen so many wives talk about what is wrong with their husband, and it seems like it's all they want to talk about.  I understand needing that shoulder when things get hard, but really?? Must you talk about it all of the time, bringing it up at every given moment that you can work it into? I just really don't understand some people.  Who knows.  Anyways, thanks for reading!!

Tamara D

Runnin' Rampant

     So, I spent the weekend cleaning my entire place. Front to back, side to side (haha) and I felt so accomplished after doing so.  Then, I realized that the one person who I wanted to brag about it to was gone... away at sea, God knows where doing God knows what. This kind of bummed me out, actually it bummed me out pretty bad.  I have come to see that the further along in this pregnancy I get, the more emotional I get.  (I am 8 months now)

     Right about the time I wanted to break down and cry, our youngest comes in and asks for a bed time story.  So, she grabs her daddy doll, her elly the elephant, and blanket and we go in her and her sister's room to read a story.  Now, I love reading the girls stories at night. It's relaxing to me.  Except for tonight... our youngest asked that I read the story in Daddy's voice. I know you might be thinking "awe how sweet" and it is, but tonight, it was just another reminder that he is gone for the moment.  (sigh) Anyways, I read her the story and then she asks me to read her letter from Daddy that is on the back of her daddy pillow.  After I am finished reading his letter to her, holding in all of my tears, she says to me "mommy, you can hug my daddy pillow if it will make you feel better"  TOTALLY lost it at that point.


     So, all in all I don't know what is going on with my emotions, but they are running rampant.  I hope to get back to my old "I'm tougher than shit and I can do this"  self.  I am not a fan of crying over things I can't change.  On that note, I hope all is well in your lives and I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Much love,
Tamara D

Rough Morning

I haven't blogged for a while, kind of got side tracked, so I am sorry for that. 

After being completely tuckered out from a two week long severe back ache (due to pregnancy) I took half a muscle relaxer and passed out, hoping that it would undo my pain this time around.  It worked.  When I woke up this morning my back felt AMAZING!  Then, as I open my eyes with a smile on my face, I realize that our dog (very emotional, I hate that daddy is deployed kind of dog, who happens to be a husky mix) was pee'ing on our bed. Yeah, it was awesome.  So as I get up and I am yelling a slew of cuss words and our 3 year old is yelling at Bandit how he is a "bad dog" I step in dog crap.  I look down and open my mouth and our 3 year old yells "Mommy don't cuss!!!" as if she totally knew what was coming.  So at this point I am uncontrollably (crazy person) laughing because if I don't laugh I realize I am going to cry.  So, I compose myself and decided to go out into the kitchen so I can start cleaning this nasty-ness up at 0630, only to step in butter that our daughter had spread all over the floor.  I have now stopped laughing and I am just silent.  I think both our dog and 3 year old knows mommy is not happy at this point because our 3 year old took off running dragging our dog to the safety of her room. (haha)

Later on today, our 3 year old walks out of her room to softly (and quite sweetly I might add) if she may watch Shrek 4.  I said yes (even though we have watched it about 30 times this past week) mainly because I really needed to clean. 

Needless to say, after a rough morning I field day cleaned our house and now feel accomplished and I am finally starting to show some love to our dog.

Well, I hope you got a chuckle out of my story.  Have a great day and thanks for reading!!!

First Vent Since He Deployed.

     I am trying to stay positive through this deployment, seeing as I was pretty bad when he was in Afghanistan.  Anyways, our area was hit pretty badly last night by several tornadoes.  Thankfully our home was safe.  Anyways, we lived off a certain road, a lot of my friends know this.... and when the news noted that our road had a tornado touched down, hardly any of them cared to call to see if we were okay.  Even through out the next day. Still no calls.  So once we got our phones working again, and AT&T stopped messing with my calls, I called around on friends to see how they were doing.  They informed me that they heard about how bad things got by where we live, but they figured that if it got too bad I would have called them.  When was I suppose to call?? Maybe while me and my kids are flying through the air??  BUT!!! Friends that I have never met in person were blowing up my fb to make sure that I was okay.   I don't get it.  How is it that most of my friends that claim to be there for me whenever I need it, aren't there, but friends thaT I have never met, freak out and worry about me.  NOW, this doesn't go for my wonderful friend Rach.  I was so freaked over our house, and didn't know whether or not we would have one, she drove me all the way to my house.  She held my hand the whole time, while driving in conditions that I know she wasn't comfortable with.  That my friends, is a die hard true friend right there.  I am so blessed to have a person like her in my life.  Love you Rach!!!

Our 'See you later"

     My husband left Monday to head out on our second deployment.  My emotions were running all crazy through the whole day (seeing as I am pregnant) but I did good and kept it together.  I promised myself he wouldn't see me cry.  After standing out in the rain and 34 degree weather (yes it's winter weather in March) with a couple of good friends we were finally directed to go inside.  (Nice of them to let us know the building was open the whole time).  A really good friend of ours came to see her 'brudder' off (which I know wasn't easy for her) and we had lots of laughs and made some funny memories.  After eating some delish food (thanks for that USO!) and sitting around waiting for a better part of a day we finally got word that it was time to go.  I kept saying to myself, "It's only see you later, you've been through this already, buck up lady." and it seemed to be working great.  As we gave our hugs and kisses and the girls gave daddy their love, I decided that watching the buses leave was just a little much for me.  Me, the kids, and our friends walked out to the cars and chatted for a few minutes. I finally explained that I needed to go because the buses would be leaving soon, I heard the buses start up to leave.  As I rushed to get out of the parking lot so I could beat them, I was stopped.  They let all 26 buses go in front of me.  So yes, I sat there in my car and watched each and every bus pass by me.  Oh, wait it gets better.  Now while I wanted to let some cars get in front of me it didn't happen.  So the Marines motioned for me to go forward, thus having me follow the buses all the way off base. (how fun right) but it didn't stop off base.  They were going to a port that was past where we live so I had to follow them until I turned onto my street.  STILL!!! I did not cry. I was so proud of myself. I really kept it together.  Then at 2200 I got a pregnancy craving for a Philly Cheese Steak Sub. I figured I"ll just have it delivered because I didn't want to drag our girls out in the cold, plus the had been asleep for a couple of hours.  After calling umpteen different places and finding out that they didn't deliver or where closed I had a melt down.  I walked into our room (because if my hubs isn't in the living room that is where he is) and went to ask him to go get a sub for me.  I remembered very quickly that he wasn't in our room or even in our house for that matter... he was on a ship sailing off to an unknown area.  I lost it. Completely had a melt down.  I pulled it together because I remember Domino's makes subs I called them.  They were closing.  Ugh.  After having a melt down with the woman on the phone she promised to have a sub delivered if I would stop crying. Haha.  So a big thanks to Domino's for going above and beyond to get this pregnant emotional lady a sub.   I felt so silly after wards for crying over a sub, but after talking to a good friend, realized I'm allowed to have a break down, I'm pregnant and my husband just left. 
I am feeling much better now that I had that nice long cry and talk.  So here is to a good deployment and fast deployment.

Thanks for reading!

Here's a Funny for you

    My husband left Monday for our 2nd deployment (boo I know) so to calm my nerves I decided to take a nice calm relaxing bath.  I had some soft music playing and was really enjoying it.  I had my eyes closed and when I went to open my eyes I saw a big black spider descending from our ceiling into my relaxing bath!!  As it landed in the water I jump out of the tub (screaming like a toddler who pee'd themselves on the playground)  run into our kitchen (butt naked I might add) to get our raid.  I run back into the bathroom and dowse it with raid.  Yep, ruined my bath water.  After quickly realizing that my relaxing bath was no more, I get dressed and go into the kitchen to discover that our blinds were open!!! OH NO!!!  I am pretty sure my neighbors just might have gotten to see a side of me they never thought they would have. Hahaha. 
     Moral of this story?? Always make sure your blinds are closed when choosing to take a bath, you never know when you might need to bolt through your house with no clothes on!!