who am I

I do not want to be defined as a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, or that girl from high school.
No, this will stop. I am a woman who loves her soul mate with such an extraordinary power that I give my all to him. I am a woman who doesn't sleep well while her kids are away, nor do I stop thinking of them. I am shy, but once we are friends, you can't get me to shut up. I am strong, but only because I can admit that I am weak.  I am courageous, but I will admit when I am scared.  I will go into the dark, as long as someone is holding my hand.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and trust too many. I love to laugh in the most awkward of times. I love to dance in the rain and play in the snow like I am 5 years old. I watch cartoons because it keeps the kid in me alive. I am always looking for a sale, but will splurge on that one item for my husband or our kids. I believe in miracles and dream like a child. I have a very strong faith, but sometimes, I question things in life.  I love to smile even when I am dying on the inside. I push people away when I am afraid of getting hurt.  I am as sweet as can be, till I have had enough. Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes, it feels great. I talk to people I have lost in the past, it gives me closure, it helps heal my soul. I am not JUST a title. I am Tamara. One of a kind. I have a slight country twang, and make fun of the very things I say. I laugh when I am called Bill, (short for hillbilly) yet, deep down, wonder if its not a way of making fun of my background.
But I no longer care what other people think, if you don't like what I have to say, don't listen to me, don't talk to me, don't ask me for advice. I will be honest no matter what. Even, if i know, that in the end, it could break someone's heart. BECAUSE, in the end, it's what they NEED to hear, and not what they WANT to hear.
I am a good person and a great friend. I can say this, because I know my worth. I know my value.
I am who I am because of my scarred and tattered past. I wouldn't change it, because it made me, me. I am now happy with the outcome. All things in life happen for a reason. Even though we might not now the why, when we are standing at Heaven's gate, we will know.
One love.