Call it hormones from this pregnancy or just call it the bitch inside of me, but anymore things that use to never bother me.. bother me now.

     For example.... America has weakened it's standards.  We have became far too humane. Other countries laugh at us, calling us weak.  Want to know why?! We have become a county that is so worried about being politically correct that we would rather not offend someone (or a group of someones) than say what we need to say.  The gay community... they enlisted into the Military of free will and knew that DADT was in order.  They knew that they were not allowed to come out.  It was one of the rules.  So now, since they are all begging and pleading that they get the right to get married they feel that they shouldn't have to keep it a secret that they are gay.  They feel that if there are any straight service members that feel uncomfortable they should leave. Oh, now wait a second.  So, if we don't like what you do or have to say we either get over it or leave? Yet, if you don't like something we do or say, we have to change it or we are being discriminative?! I don't get that!!! Not in the least. But, I am called closed minded for not "backing up" the gay community.  Well, guess what, my God and my bible and my just beliefs say that something isn't right about two men being together. Same for two women.  I mean to be blunt, one (the female) has a 'hole' and the other (males) have a 'hole poker'.  I just don't think it's right. But I am an American and it's my right to think whatever the hell I would like !!! Is it not?
Moving on...

Racism. Okay people now gather round. Listen good. EYES AND EARS!!  It is only there because people choose to give it the power.  They chose to slam other races for being racist, when in fact you calling me a 'cracker' is racist. Grow up and move on.  Stop calling me a racist pig when you are the only one who refers to themselves in the derogatory word used against you.  You don't hear Mexicans saying, what's up my spick/wetback/beaner, and you sure don't hear Asian saying "Hey you chink/zipperhead.  BUT you hear blacks all the time call other blacks Nigger. Oh God, I said it  lol the infamous N bomb.  Haha.  Doesn't mean that I choose to say this word, but I am typing it out because I have that right as an American to type/speak however I choose.  So meh :/
Moving on again....

Okay, this is a little different, maybe.  Our troops and The War on Terror.  I do not understand how you can say that you support our troops but do not support the GWOT. If you support them, you support all that they do.  You cannot support someone (fully) and yet turn around and not support what they do. It's kind of silly if you ask me.  I hate hearing people give their opinions on this war based on what the media has told them.  I really do.  If you want to open your mouth, go do some research.  Just like those who say that the war is all over oil... guess what.. we have to send oil drums over there for our vehicles.  Now, why would we go to war with them over oil when we are using our own oil and the prices of oil back home were going through the roof. Hmm, sounds a little fishy to me.  I don't know though, I could be wrong. It could just be the republican in me that hates all the mess the democrats are getting us into.  Seriously.  People who claim that the DEM. were doing a better job apparently didn't see what I saw when elections came around. If they were doing so good, why did they Rep. take over? Yeah. Sit on that one Nancy lol.
Moving on-yet again...

Last but not least.  I know this probably upset a few, but anymore I just don't care. Maybe I should go back to writing about my feelings.. but honestly who all is out there in the internet world reading what I have to say. No one comments.. so what's to think that they read?! If they do, I'm sorry if I offended but it's what has been on my mind and I had to get it off my chest.

Good night my fellow bloggers :)

One heck of a Christmas Gift!

Me and the hubs found out that I am pregnant this past Friday.  Now, I'm happy (I mean don't get me wrong) but I'm a little nervous.  Going through a pregnancy during a deployment on my own WITH and additional 2 kids and a dog lol. Doesn't sound like the easiest of times lol. But, I have some really good friends that I know will be there for me so I don't really have any worries there.  Guess we shall just see how things go.

Anyways, I just wanted to share the good news!!!

Thanks for reading!!!! 

this town.......

Before we moved to J Vegas NC, I was a very happy go lucky woman. Nothing really made me upset. I never said things like "I hate people" I loved everyone. BUT. This town, this 'cursed' if you will , town has changed me.  It through me for a loop and shook my whole being.  I am actually seeing the true ugliness that is inside of people.  This makes me sick. I miss home, but only because I can feel more and more of me fading away. I am out of my element here, and to be frank... I don't think I will ever feel right being here. Yes, my husband is here. Yes, my kids are here. Yes, I have some friends here.  Like the black plague this town is consuming my body, breaking me down, tearing me up inside. I didn't think that a town could do that to someone. I would rather stay home than go out. I don't feel like I am me when I am out and about. I never look at the passers by I just look at the ground and hope that no one pisses me off.  To me, that is a very sad thing to admit. Usually I talk to the cashiers and anyone around me. Not now though. I do what I can to get back home as quick as I can. Ugh. I hate this feeling. I have talked to other wives and they say that they feel the same way. So, with that said I know that I am not crazy lol.  
Guess this was just a quick rant. That's all for now.

Back window looking out

No matter how hard I try I do not understand the world and the evil that exists in it. I do not understand the cruel nature of people. I just really cannot grasp this concept that in life people are going to do nothing more than hurt you.  I didn't sign up for this. This isn't the way that we as a people should be treating people.  Why?? 
Growing up we make playground best friends. We never cared what they wore, how they looked, how much money their mom and dad made. All we knew and cared about was that they played the same games as us and well, there was no better scenario than for them to become our best friend.  Then, one day, they have to move away, or maybe you move away, and you are looking through a back windshield crying your eyes out. Oh yea, straight out of a movie. They were your best friend and that will never change. You never forget your childhood friends.
So here is my thing, why is it that when we get older, move out on our own, we chose our friends by their weight, looks, what they wear, (some people even judge how much their income is) or how they act. All of the sudden because we are adults we have to become serious? What about the concept of live, laugh, love.  I always try to laugh like a child at least once a day.  This makes my soul feel better. But, being a Marine Wife made me realize that in this way of life, you have to go back to your roots and make friends on life's  playground. You don't have the time to slowly become friends. Not because you don't chose too, but because their husband's will get relocated. This sucks. One of the wives I am friends with out here is moving Thursday. I mean yes their are phone calls, but we can't come over for dinner. We can't just call each other and go to the bar together. We have to wait, till we take leave to see them. This breaks my heart. I also have another friend who is moving to San Diego in Feb. this is going to be by far the hardest friend to say good bye too.  This is going to kill me. Guess I know how my friends back home felt as I was waving to them and throwing kisses saying that I loved them. I am learning the hard way what it feels like for someone to leave you, instead of you leaving them. I thought telling them that well, we will still see each other was going to work, and it did... for me.  But, with the shoe being on the other foot... this freaking sucks. I just feel like everything is falling apart so quickly and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Nothing I can say, I feel helpless... hopeless even. I know that it's where their life is taking them, and it's probably the best for them. But, where does that leave me? Standing here drowning in my own sorrows? Losing a friend because they have to move.  No one prepared me for this. I don't care how many military wife books you read.. nothing can actually help you get over something like this.  I don't know. Maybe I am over reacting. Maybe I am not. Who cares, it's how I feel right now.

Simple life? I think not.

While talking to a friend the other day, she told me that she thought I had a pretty simple life. Maybe you can imagine how taken  back I was when she said this. There is nothing simple about being a 'stay at home mom' and there definitely isn't anything simple about being a Marine wife.  Yes, I am at home each day but, I handle all of our expenses, our kids, keep the house clean, and other things like that. I make the needed phone calls that directly impact our life. Go ahead and throw in various doctor appointments and I barely have time to think!!!  I get to enjoy my cup of coffee in the morning and maybe one show that I had recorded from the night before.  That is my relaxation. Being a mom never stops. Your kids might be asleep, but you are still up getting things done. It's non stop.  During the deployment, having to do these things all on my own?! Holy cow was that crazy. Just as soon as I would get something finished I would have another problem at my feet. And, I couldn't call Brad to get his input on it. He was over 7 thousand miles away. I couldn't call his cell, I had to wait for him to call me and at one time we had went months without talking.  But, I guess the optimistic side of a deployment is that you find a stronger side of yourself than you knew you could be.  You are mom and dad, homemaker and handyman.  You can't wait till the hubs gets home so you can bitch about things that went wrong with your day, and exactly how are you suppose to complain to your husband when he is in a war zone?!  It's not even so much that your problems are nothing compared to his, with me, it was more because I didn't want him to worry about what was going on back home. I needed to reassure him that he need not focus on us, but on him and his fellow Marines and the tasks that were ahead.  That is not easy. Sometimes when things would go horribly wrong, I just wanted to cry  to him and say I can't take it anymore... but no. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't.  I didn't feel the need to burden him with my problems. Yes, there were times when I had to pretty much jam my POA down people's throat just so I could get things done, but all in all, I made it work the best way that I could. So, after venting all that and seeing where I am in life, no, my life isn't simple, it isn't easy. But, but, but..... I wouldn't trade this life for a simple/easy life. Wouldn't trade it for a million dollars. (okay, maaaaybe for a mil, but I mean we are in a recession right!) I love the honor that is behind our life. I can proudly say that my husband has fought (and will probably do it again)  for this country and I stood by his side through the whole thing. No one can take away that pride. Our daughters know that their daddy is a Hero. He took on a job/life that most wouldn't. I can tell our girls that mommy followed daddy and supported him when most women wouldn't.  These are things that will shape our kids. 
I have met some really great people since my husband has enlisted. Some are still here, some have moved, and sadly, some gave their all for their country. But still, I wouldn't trade my high strung, stressed out, wild, crazy, unpredictable, hurry up and wait life for anything.
So I politely say to those who think my life is simple, uneventful even, you can kiss my hind end.    (hahahaha)
Life is grand. But I wouldn't be the woman I am today, if it weren't for the steps I took in the past. 
Live your life as if there is no tomorrow and dream big.  Dream as big as the canyon.

Semper Fi

I dunno :/

I've reached complete writers block. I guess it might be because nothing eventful has happened.  Rach is back in town and so is Alana, so I can look forward to seeing their beautiful faces! Haha.  Other than that it has just been normal. Which most people would love to have normal, me, I am waiting for something bad to happen!! I know that sounds horrible to say, but in my life, you only get normal for a few days and then every thing goes crazy!  So here I am waiting for the bad news bear to come in and deal out some bad things... maybe if I give him some honey he will go away??? Hahah yea I know, but one can dream right!?  Anyways, I think that is all for now. I might write later on. If something goes on. Maybe I should just do a run through of my every day life. That seems like I could fill in some voids. But, I don't have an eventful life :) Here's to an uneventful life!!
Laters Yall

who am I

I do not want to be defined as a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, or that girl from high school.
No, this will stop. I am a woman who loves her soul mate with such an extraordinary power that I give my all to him. I am a woman who doesn't sleep well while her kids are away, nor do I stop thinking of them. I am shy, but once we are friends, you can't get me to shut up. I am strong, but only because I can admit that I am weak.  I am courageous, but I will admit when I am scared.  I will go into the dark, as long as someone is holding my hand.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and trust too many. I love to laugh in the most awkward of times. I love to dance in the rain and play in the snow like I am 5 years old. I watch cartoons because it keeps the kid in me alive. I am always looking for a sale, but will splurge on that one item for my husband or our kids. I believe in miracles and dream like a child. I have a very strong faith, but sometimes, I question things in life.  I love to smile even when I am dying on the inside. I push people away when I am afraid of getting hurt.  I am as sweet as can be, till I have had enough. Sometimes I cry for no reason and sometimes, it feels great. I talk to people I have lost in the past, it gives me closure, it helps heal my soul. I am not JUST a title. I am Tamara. One of a kind. I have a slight country twang, and make fun of the very things I say. I laugh when I am called Bill, (short for hillbilly) yet, deep down, wonder if its not a way of making fun of my background.
But I no longer care what other people think, if you don't like what I have to say, don't listen to me, don't talk to me, don't ask me for advice. I will be honest no matter what. Even, if i know, that in the end, it could break someone's heart. BECAUSE, in the end, it's what they NEED to hear, and not what they WANT to hear.
I am a good person and a great friend. I can say this, because I know my worth. I know my value.
I am who I am because of my scarred and tattered past. I wouldn't change it, because it made me, me. I am now happy with the outcome. All things in life happen for a reason. Even though we might not now the why, when we are standing at Heaven's gate, we will know.
One love.